


Stay Home Syndrome

by floosilver8



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Quarantine Edition, nicole kidman is a baller, what does everyone get up to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24264415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floosilver8/pseuds/floosilver8
Summary: The town locks down because of the pandemic, an amusing summary of what everyone gets up to.
Relationships: Jocelyn Schitt/Roland Schitt, Johnny Rose/Moira Rose, Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Twyla Sands/Ivan
Kudos: 60





	Stay Home Syndrome

The irony of quarantine orders hitting just a few weeks after Johnny and Moira leave town is lost on no one. The production of the _Sunrise Bay_ reboot is almost entirely finished and starts transitioning to remote work (ADR and the like.) Nicole Kidman’s care package (everyone in the production received one) is also a welcome but seriously baller move (high-end hand sanitizer gel is apparently a thing.) With only plans to live in a hotel in LA, they ultimately made the decision to return to Schitt's Creek to be more comfortable "at home" before the border closed. Moira won't say it out loud - she says she only agreed because her "girls" were still there - but Johnny is right, it will always be their home. During their 14-day true quarantine when they first got back, they did go a bit stir crazy – if a picture exists of Johnny wearing one of Moira’s wigs and staring out the window, he never finds out. As there’s no other guests, and obviously none expected, Johnny picks up right where he had left off, changing sheets and managing the upkeep. Johnny figures out FaceTime (Alexis helps a lot through the wall) and manages the new property acquisitions remotely.

Alexis was about half packed when she made the decision to stay too. Her agency started remote work earlier than some other companies (hypochondriac for a CEO) so she didn't need to report in person until this was over anyway. With David moved out, she has Room 8 all to herself now and she finally pushes the beds together to make it a King. She got to know her new coworkers via Zoom meetings, and she was responsible for most of the stress-relieving traditions they all adopted - grounding exercises before each meeting, competitions for homemade art, and boozy happy hours every-other Friday night. She also accidentally shared with them the link to the town Virtual Open Mic and the events ended up going kind of viral (for rural Canada). She feels a little bad, but it only takes two sessions for her coworkers to start requesting slots. Apparently, several of them gave up Broadway dreams for one reason or another and are actually super talented singers, musicians and/or comedians.

Rose Apothecary goes to pick-up and delivery only the minute the government declared a shut-down. Patrick manages the orders that still come in steadily and it's not too overwhelming. He's especially reassured by the measures the government has taken to give extra support to small businesses. He feels like the store can definitely ride this out for the duration. He's a little disappointed their plans for a "mini-moon" to New York have to be postponed. They promise themselves a big trip to like, Japan for their one-year anniversary instead. Making the Open Mic virtual was just supposed to make David crazy, but when the townies actually love it, it becomes its own thing. Alexis’s co-workers joining in starts to elevate it even further and now there is some rivalry between the townies and the city kids. Patrick juggles the hosting and streaming duties because David refuses to be a part of it – but Patrick notices the decorating touches David makes to the area in the Living Room where he sets up.

Patrick was a little shocked to find out David had been paying attention to the news and had reached out to vendors the week before shut-down about what they could still manage - or not. David - forever a germaphobe - had been following the news intently. He had stocked their home, and the store, _and_ convinced Stevie to prep with essentials. The mother and daughter team that make the quilts and throws for the store offer cloth masks and David jumps at the chance. The other crafty/sewists in town also start making them and they end up with enough for every adult, child and pet to have at least two. He asks Mutt to build a Free Library for the masks that sits in the Moira’s Rose’s Garden so anyone can take one if they need it. He’s genuinely surprised by the relatively upbeat attitude he’s able to maintain for the first month (maybe it’s all the work they’re getting to do on the new house.) It’s at the end of month two where he has a weak moment on a Zoom call with Stevie. He sees a long-haired, hoodie-wearing Patrick walk behind him to the kitchen and screams, “I CAN'T ANYMORE WITH MY MICHAEL CERA-LOOKING ASS HUSBAND!”

“Ass husband?” Stevie murmurs, highly amused.

Patrick just shrugs and smiles. His hair is of course, shorn to a normal length by the next Open Mic.

Stevie is immensely pleased with the prospect of not having to see strangers for several weeks or months. However, by week three she is bored out of her skull so she dives head-first into the work she can do remotely. The investors are still on board and the money starts rolling in once they all get used to remote work too. She goes into long wiki and Google trails on each city where they are buying a property and creates amazing and witty presentations aimed at their local and regional managers. Her research ends up helping them be inventive and flexible with keeping the updates to the properties going and people employed. When she’s not working, she starts doing the jigsaw puzzles she inherited from her Great Aunt and had stashed in her closet. She starts an Instagram page just for them and posts each one until she runs out. A few days later, a small stack of new puzzles is left on her doorstep. The next week there’s a few more and it goes on. She never finds out Jocelyn started it, and the whole town chipped in. Obviously, she can’t keep them all in her small apartment, so she drops them off at the senior centers and charity shops in Elmdale, Elm Valley, and Elm Ridge.

Jocelyn managing things behind the scenes is 90% of why the town keeps running smoothly. She doesn’t sleep for a month, but her school kids have online curriculum, her biological kids are well taken care of, and Roland doesn’t do anything stupid to get the virus and die. Ronnie keeps him busy “taping” speeches on the steps of town hall (she never posts them), and Jocelyn keeps him busy at home.

Ronnie takes over Jazzagals admin duties, scheduling virtual rehearsals and making sure all the gals have the tech acuity to participate. Jocelyn’s still the director, but as she screeched at Ronnie over the phone on week two, “I’m only one _fucking_ person and I can’t do this _and_ keep Roland busy!” Twyla takes over picking out the music, and Ronnie only has to gently remind her once to keep people’s ranges in mind.

As the owner and only waitress in town, Twyla is kept busy with the café. The core group of 30-somethings all decide to make their weekly Zoom calls an opportunity to get take-out. They all chip in to order food from the Café then Twyla and Ivan deliver it all before joining the call from her house. It was Twyla’s idea not to tell anyone what they were getting and make it a sort of guessing game. Ivan doesn’t always understand their jokes, but never has a bad word to say about the food. Twyla doesn’t mind that he cooks for her the rest of the week, as he seems to really like it. In the end, they go through the whole menu and actually help Twyla narrow down the offerings when she reopens after the shut-down as simply, Twyla's Café.

Isolation orders are eventually loosened, and a vaccine is developed (Rose Apothecary is NOT a licensed distribution center, confusing many who assumed because of the name.) The town adjusts to life after quarantine, and make the regional news – not for having any deaths from the virus – but because on the day the restrictions are lifted, a horny bull moose rampages through town, keeping everyone stuck inside. He is recorded several times mounting a resigned cow moose in front of various town landmarks.


End file.
